Multiples

Another not great evening. Multiple snacks I didn’t even need. Well, yeah. No one needs multiple snacks.

Old habits seem to be creeping back in. I’m not sure why. I’m eating every 3-4 hours, right? Very close to it. Not skipping meals.

Is it boredom? Except for dinner, I eat the exact same things everyday. But I’m okay with that.

It’s not like I sat around and did nothing yesterday. Actually, I kept very busy all day and got a lot done. I wrote two blog posts, cleaned the kitchen, living room, bathroom, put together a coat rack, helped Aislyn make a Christmas present, and helped her wrap a present.

That doesn’t sound like that much, now that I’ve listed everything.

I don’t know, but I would swear that my watch feels looser around my wrist. It could be the band is just stretched.

One good thing: the kids left out Reese’s Pieces on the island and when I got up just before midnight, I felt hungry, and I wanted a handful so badly, but I didn’t take even one Reese. That’s what Aislyn calls a singular Reese’s Piece. How cute is she?

But, yeah. I could’ve capped off a not very good night with some of my kids’ candy, which was sitting right there, open, in plain sight, not in the vault, not even in the cabinet. But I made the more empowered decision to put the Reese’s in the cabinet and leave a polite note reminding the kids to keep stuff like that in the vault or they run the risk of having it “sampled.”

The vault is a lock box with a combination that the rest of the family knows but I don’t. We keep tempting nonperishables in it. It was my idea.

I’ve manipulated my environment all kinds of ways to make it harder to access my trigger foods. I’ve put food up high, where I can’t reach it, out of sight, behind cabinet doors. I’ve hidden it altogether, but Derek doesn’t like that strategy because then he can’t find things, either.

Finally, I’ve just stopped buying certain foods. I can’t have ice cream in the house, for example. Not even single servings, because I’ll oftentimes eat more than just the one serving.

I used to buy mochi, because they’re so little, but because they’re so little, I’d have three in one sitting. That’s half a box, gone.

I have difficulty stopping at one of anything. And it’s not just food. It probably wouldn’t be inaccurate to say I have an addictive personality. This might be a good topic to bring up in therapy tomorrow.

I don’t know if there’s any cure for an addictive personality. I think all you can do is develop and strengthen your compensation strategies. But my therapist would be the person to ask.

I’m genuinely glad I wrote this post. I mean, I always am happy to have written a post that says something, and I hope you are, too. But I don’t always expect to come out of them with an action plan. So this is a nice Christmas bonus for me. Albeit non-monetary.