Bah, Humbug

Another day, another down.

There was this health writer opening, specializing in weight loss. I thought it would be perfect for me. I sent them all of my best health and wellness articles from Content Cucumber.

Just another big, fat no.

I guess I haven’t always been rejected. I was offered that marketing assistant job last year that I foolishly didn’t accept because I was still holding out for Hutchinson. Altogether, I’ve been offered three volunteer writer roles. For that zodiac publication, I was one of eight finalists selected from 1800 applicants. So it’s not that nobody recognizes my talent.

It’s just that none of it has been enough to launch me.

I don’t need to be famous. I just need to pay the bills.

A lot of people say I’m really good. I don’t think they’re just saying it. Why, then, can’t I get even a sustainable job as a writer?

I’m having, as Desmond would say, an existential crisis. He is 11. How does he know what an existential crisis is? Never mind.

Other than family, writing is my whole life. It always has been. Ever since I knew how to do it.

If I can’t make a living out of it, how good at it can I really be?

I’ve tried diligently for four years to find sustainable work as a writer. At what point do I say it’s just not in the cards for me?

You are probably confused, right now. You’re thinking: Haven’t you just gone back into teaching?

That is correct. I have.

I have returned to teaching because I like working with kids. I’m very good with and enjoy one particular age group. And I can make a sustainable living off teaching.

I have returned to teaching because, even after four years of trying, I have failed to make a livable wage as a writer. And I have more than my own needs to consider.

I start a new teaching job with my preferred age group in February, after my surgery. I need to find something in the interim, since I’m no longer at the middle school. It was my choice to leave mid-year. It was not an easy decision. It was not a good situation.

I still come across some writing roles as I’m looking for temp work. That’s how I happened upon the health writer opening. I thought I could teach and write health articles part time. Nope.

I guess I just feel like, if I were truly talented as a writer, wouldn’t I be able to find work in it? Surely it wouldn’t be this difficult?

I am just feeling discouraged by rejection. I’m not always rejected. It just really stings when I am. It’s my all time biggest fear.

But I think it says something about me that I risk rejection regularly, even though I am afraid of it. Maybe I’m stronger than I think I am.

I did not mean for this post to spiral out like this, and now I have to go, and I feel like it’s unfinished. Well, I’ve got lots of unfinished business, I assure you, not the least of it being in my coffee cup. Till next time.