Something You Read About

As soon as I take that last bite of food, immediately my mouth seems to dry up, and all I want are my beverages. And I have to wait 30 minutes for them. For someone who is accustomed to gulping down fluid all day unrestricted, it is torturous. So far it is the hardest part of this journey, except, I guess, for staying under budget with my calories.

I’m going to the gym today. No reason why I shouldn’t. I feel fine, now, and it’s been five days since I developed the symptoms. I already feel like I’ve lost my momentum, but that’s probably because I’ve been sick.

Every time I think of stopping at Dunkin’, I realize there’s nothing there for me, anymore. That’s a good thing.

Although I took my meds, I still feel tired, like I could fall back asleep. I’ve been up for an hour, since quarter of 3.

In fact, my eyes are closing. Maybe just until my drink timer comes on…

Wait a minute. I’m not working. I can go to the gym any time I want. Which means I can go back to sleep if I need to.

First I have some elvish business to attend to.

I don’t know if Aislyn still believes. I think she does, but I think I can also hear skepticism in her voice. She is seven, the age I was when my mother spoiled it for me. So I don’t dare say anything, not yet.

Seven is still little enough to believe in magic and fairytales. Give her another year or two before I tell her the hard truth.

When my mother told me, it broke my heart. I didn’t cry, I put on a brave front. But I was so sad inside that year.

My mother wasn’t being cruel. She thought I knew. She made lots of assumptions like that throughout my young life. Maybe she thought she knew me better than she actually did.

In college, there was this boy at work I had a big crush on. My mother, who mistakenly thought he and I were close friends, went up to him one night and said I talked about him “all the time.” I was so mad at her. Big fight that night.

Needless to say, I never heard the end of it from him: “Hey Leah, tell your Mom I said hi.” “Hey Leah, next time you talk to your Mom about me…” “Hey Leah, how’s Janet?”

I chalk it up as my all time most embarrassing moment. Worse than sitting on my best friend’s Nana’s chocolate cake. Worse than tucking the back of my dress into my tights and JC Crosby seeing my old, bleach-stained underwear.

But I guess, now that it’s been a million years, it was kind of funny. Like something you read about.

Anyway, I like to think I know my kids just as well as I think I do. My gut tells me that Aislyn doesn’t know, and she’s still young enough to believe a little longer. Of course I’m going to let her.