The Thing About Me

Apparently, I failed to track anything at all on the 20th. So I lost my 48-day tracking streak.

I’m going to lose my phone service in a few days because I can’t pay the bill. My credit, which has actually improved considerably, is going to tank again because I won’t be able to make any payments on time.

I used to be good at saving money. Now I have no ability to save it.

I just hate that even the smallest setback, like being out of work or underemployed temporarily, completely screws up everything. It shouldn’t be like this. I hate living this way. Always in crisis to the point that crisis now seems normal. February 10 can’t come soon enough.

Sometimes I wish I had chosen a career path that would have guaranteed financial stability instead of just doing what I liked. But what? Law school? Med school? Engineering? BAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, right. I could do any of those things.

If someone would just recognize that I can write, this would be a non-issue. But I keep getting rejection after rejection.

It turns out a lot of people can write. That’s all I really know about it. I kind of hate that so many people seem to be good at what I do. Is that selfish? I suppose it is.

I’m in a foul mood, aren’t I.

The thing about me is that when I’m this unhappy, everything looks grim. I’ve gone from tracking to money to profession and painted all of them in the worst possible light. I am Debbie Downer right now.

The thing about me is I know it about myself. As Lori says, I awfulize everything when I’m upset. I know I’m doing it even while I’m doing it.

The thing about me is I don’t stay that way. I’m always fighting the good fight with myself to see things more positively, particularly in my personal circumstances.

These problems are temporary.

I need to look to the people who have not rejected me. In deed, I am grateful for them. ❤️

When I start working full time again, and after I’m caught up on the bills, I can begin to work on accruing some savings, like I had been before the money ran out.

I can start another tracking streak. It will be easier now to maintain with the habit tracking app. No need to beat myself up; I already have a new system in place.

There. I’ve tricked myself into a better mood (I’m poking fun at myself. After all this negativity, I figure I’d better be candid about that).