Small Pleasures

I feel a lot better today. No more aches, sore throat, pressure behind the eyes, dizziness. Every so often I cough up some phlegm, but that’s pretty much it.

I find I get emotional when I’m sick, too. There was one afternoon I just huddled up and cried myself to sleep.

You must be tired of hearing about COVID. I’m certainly sick of it, no pun intended.

I had nightmares so bad last night I was afraid to go back to sleep. Armed intruders. So many complicated locks to fasten on doors and windows. Flying through the pitch black night above the trees. Falling into a shark tank?

Think I suffer from anxiety?

I haven’t been taking my Topomax. It helps with nightmares. I just need to get to the pharmacy. Last few days, I’ve hardly been anywhere.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to cut back my calories. All I can come up with is the coffee. But coffee is all I have left. It’s my one, delicious vice. I gave up chocolate, give or take a bite or two. I gave up caffeine. I gave up diet soda. There’s got to be another way!

I know I don’t have to give up coffee. Just limit it. I’m drinking a lot of coffee right now, despite my earlier plan to reduce to two cups a day during the week, three on the weekends. And I realize that three is still a lot.

I would guess I’m drinking 3-5, 8-oz. cups per day. I’m embarrassed to tell you how much creamer that is for me. But at 120 calories a cup, you can see the damage. 600 calories! Yikes!

It’s hard for me to have just one of most anything I like a lot, I guess.

Without coffee, though, all I have is flavored water.

I wonder if I should stop drinking it altogether. I like the taste, and I’m emotionally attached to it, as well. I look forward to sitting with my coffee and blogging in the wee hours. I look forward to getting home from work and settling down with a cup of coffee. Sometimes at night, when I wake up, I have coffee instead of food, now.

Why don’t I just remove all of life’s small pleasures, then? That’s how I see it, and why I haven’t given it up.

But I take small pleasures and exploit the hell out of them, that’s the problem. I don’t need five coffees a day. I don’t need any. I just want them.

But I firmly believe that the coffee is the problem, right now. Why my calories are always high. Why I’m making slower progress than they want.

I guess the question is: can I limit coffee? Or is it better to eliminate it altogether?

It’s 6:00 AM, and I’ve already had two. Can I limit to just three for the whole day?

Because if I really can’t cut back, then the only other thing to do is avoid it completely.

The coffee conundrum. Why do I feel like I’ve written that post before?