Half Empty

Yesterday I went to the gym, followed my meal plan exactly, didn’t get up last night to snack. Then I got on the scale this morning. No change. So far, I’m not impressed.

This whole thing is so frustrating. I worked so hard to stay at my entry weight, only to gain from the holidays. Now I can’t take it back off in time. I got COVID, which didn’t help at all, and I think that was when I started getting derailed.

I can’t believe I’m this stressed out over 4 1/2 pounds.

What’s going to happen is, my surgery will be at the end of the day, and I will have to have drunk 64 ounces of water and carb loaded, which will impact my weight even more. They will almost certainly cancel, and they will do it after I have already arrived, have prepared physically and mentally for this, maybe even gotten changed out of my regular clothes.

Sorry about my negativity. Sometimes I use it as a buffer. In other words, if I expect the worst in the first place, I can’t be disappointed. You’d be surprised at how effective this isn’t. Nothing will protect me from disappointment if they cancel on me. I just don’t know how else to cope, right now. Sure, I can say everything will be fine, and it will all work out, but that feels naive to me.

Let them cancel. I’ll reschedule.

She said I’d have to keep saying it for it to take hold.

Let them.

I’m going back to bed a while.