Another Bad Day

I’ll be the first to admit it: I’m a hot mess right now. I’ve tried to set up these new habits, but the old habits are hanging on stronger. Despite the huge consequences looming over me.

But I need to fix this. If I gain too much weight, they will delay my surgery. That can’t happen. I’m supposed to go back to teaching February 10.

We’re going out today, but I already know I’m getting a salad: under 500 calories for the whole salad. So there’s really no excuse.

I have shifted back into all or nothing thinking somehow, and keep sabotaging myself day after day. I’m not sure why this is. Every choice is an opportunity.

I just want to be a regular size again. I hate the way I look.

I wish there wasn’t all this junk in the house. Everyone knows how I struggle with junk food, but somehow it still makes its way here. Christmas, Valentine’s, Easter, Halloween. The kids eat enough candy and snacks. Any excuse to give them sugar. You would think I never let them have anything. It’s simply not true.

I’m at an impasse, here. I don’t know how to finish up in only a few minutes so I can get to the gym.

I think I just have to get up and go.